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Residents of Waco, Texas, couldn’t help but notice that the city’s Christmas lights had a different look this year, a certain flair, a je ne sais quoi. The arrangement of colors from red to violet created the effect of a giant rainbow stretching endlessly down the corridor. Did someone say rainbow? So, before you knew it, people were whispering that the lights carried a hidden gay message. Some folks noticed a blinking cadence that left men “feeling virile and yearning for the musk of other men” (according to “LiberalDarkness.com”—yikes!). The Christian Defense League of Texas got involved, and soon enough they figured it out: this must be an attempt to recruit the young men of Waco into the gay lifestyle! Indeed, they noticed that men near the display were already “clustering around the coffee stands, ordering elaborate hot-spiced frappes, and rubbing one another to stay warm” (ibid.)—you know, things guys do when they’re going gay. Clearly the recruitment efforts were working! And yet… once again one is struck by the fragility of male heterosexuality, as if some Christmas lights are all that’s needed to lure straight men over to the other side. If that’s all it takes, whatever is over there must be pretty good.

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